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Friday, 20 November 2009

  • The 11th Husband...

     

    A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband to "Please be gentle; I'm still a Virgin".

    "What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

    "Well, husband #1 was a     Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

    "Husband # 2 was in     Software Services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function; but he said he'd look into it and get back with me.

    "Husband # 3 was from     Field Services; he said that everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

    "Husband # 4 was in     Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

    "Husband # 5 was an     Engineer, he understood the basic process but he wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state of the-art method.

    "Husband #6 was from     Administration; he thought he knew how but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

    "Husband # 7 was in     Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it..

    "Husband # 8 was a     Psychiatrist; all he did was talk about it.

    "Husband # 9 was a     Gynecologist; all he did was look at it.

    "Husband # 10 was a     Stamp Collector; all he ever did was lick it...... God I miss him.

    " But now that I've married you, I'm so excited".



    "Wonderful", said the husband, "but why?

    "You're with the
    "GOVERNMENT"  
    This time I KNOW I'M gonna get screwed
     

Friday, 13 November 2009

  • Sex in the Dark

     

    There was this couple that had been married for 20 years.

    Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the light. Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous.

    She figures she would break him of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights. She looked down and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated leisure device... A vibrator! Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one. She went completely ballistic. "You impotent bastard,"

    She screamed at him, "How could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain
    yourself!"


    The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly:

    " I 'll explain the toy . . You explain the kids."


     

Wednesday, 11 November 2009

Tuesday, 10 November 2009

  • Who's the boss ?

     

    Mike was going to be married to Laura, so his father sat him down for a little chat. "Mike, let me tell you something. On my wedding night, I took off my pants handed them to your mother and told her to try them on, she did and said 'they're too big, I can't wear them.' I told her 'exactly.. I wear the pants in the family and I always will.' Ever since that night we have never had any problems."
     
    Mike thought it was a good thing to try. On his honeymoon Mike took off his pants and told Laura to try them on, she did and said "these are too large, they don't fit me" Mike told her "exactly I wear the pants in the family don't forget it"
     
    So Laura took off her panties and said "here try mine" Mike did and said "I can't get into your panties"
    Laura said "exactly! and if you don't change your smart ass attitude you never will!"
     

Saturday, 07 November 2009