Weblog

Tuesday, 10 November 2009

  • Who's the boss ?

     

    Mike was going to be married to Laura, so his father sat him down for a little chat. "Mike, let me tell you something. On my wedding night, I took off my pants handed them to your mother and told her to try them on, she did and said 'they're too big, I can't wear them.' I told her 'exactly.. I wear the pants in the family and I always will.' Ever since that night we have never had any problems."
     
    Mike thought it was a good thing to try. On his honeymoon Mike took off his pants and told Laura to try them on, she did and said "these are too large, they don't fit me" Mike told her "exactly I wear the pants in the family don't forget it"
     
    So Laura took off her panties and said "here try mine" Mike did and said "I can't get into your panties"
    Laura said "exactly! and if you don't change your smart ass attitude you never will!"
     

Saturday, 07 November 2009

Friday, 06 November 2009

Sunday, 01 November 2009

  • A bottle of wine

     

    A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold Monday
    morning; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished, but
    amazingly neither of them is hurt.
    After they crawl out of their cars, the man is yelling about women drivers.

    The woman says, 'So, you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow,
    just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be
    a sign from God that we should be friends and live in peace for the rest of
    our days.'
    Flattered, the man replies, 'Oh yes, I agree completely, this must be a
    sign from God! But you're still at fault...women shouldn't be allowed to
    drive.'
    The woman continues, 'And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is
    completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God
    wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune.' She hands the
    bottle to the man.
    The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and
    then hands it back to the woman..
    The woman takes the bottle, puts the cap back on and hands it back to the
    man.
    The man asks, 'Aren't you having any?'
    The woman replies, 'No. I think I'll just wait for the police...'


     

Wednesday, 28 October 2009

  • Why I fired my Secretary !!!!

     

     Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning..

       I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say,
       'Happy Birthday!',  and possibly have a small present for me.

       As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone ' Happy Birthday.'

       I thought....   Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids... They will remember.

       My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast and didn't say a word..
       So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent.

       As I walked into my office,  my secretary Jane said,
       'Good Morning Boss, and by the way Happy Birthday ! '
       It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.

       I worked until one o'clock,  when Jane knocked on my door and said, 'You know,
       It's such a beautiful day outside, and it is your Birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch,
       just you and me..'
       I said, 'Thanks, Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go !'

       We went to lunch.   But we didn't go where we normally would go.
       She chose instead at a quiet bistro with a private table.
       We had two martinis each  and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.

       On the way back to the office,  Jane said, 'You know, It's such a beautiful day...
       We don't need to go straight back to the office, do we?'

       I responded,   'I guess not.   What do you have in mind ?'
       She said,   'Let's drop by my apartment, it's just around the corner.'

       After arriving at her apartment, Jane turned to me and said,
       ' Boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom
       for just a moment. I'll be right back.'
       'Ok.' I nervously replied.

       She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out
       carrying a huge birthday cake ...
       Followed  by my wife, my kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers,
       all singing 'Happy Birthday'.


       And I just sat there.....on the couch... NAKED.